Rohit’s Ramblings

Archive for January, 2010

Made this long ago… was waiting for the right opportunity to post it.

Indian - Let that be your religion.

Also, my friend Mayank Raheja asked me a long time ago to post a poem that he wrote. I think now is the right time for that too -

Come my India, come fly with me
as the economy rises and the uneasiness of the limitations goes away
i sit in the middle of the crowd
with my head held up high
within the constant chattering of hopeful souls
people just like you and me
with cryptic lives and curious minds
who analyse and interpret what the future has to offer
this new India of my dreams
where man meets the machine
i can see you rising above the clouds
of every sector man has found

so come my India come fly with me
towards my dream and my beautiful dream
Come my India, come fly with me

Mayank Narindra Raheja
(Love you always my India)

The latest edition of a magazine sporting a pic of Priyanka Chopra on the cover was lying on the dining table. Father and son were seated, sipping on their tea. The son picks up the magazine and comments…

Son: “Priyanka Chopra looks really different in this picture…”

Father: “How so?”

Son: “I don’t know… I can’t seem to put my finger on it.”

Father: “You mean the change is that subtle?”

Son: “No. I meant that it would be rude if I did.”

Really Dense Fog.

At 10:00 AM

At 11:00 AM

If Chetan Bhagat made porn, what would he name his titles ?

When you already give 30% of your salary to the government in the form of taxes - you are already working 4 out 12 months for the government. Add to that the newly introduced taxes on perks that suck away 1.5 - 2 months salary. That takes the total to 6 months. Half of your time in office, you work for the government. The remaining half, you work for yourself and your company.

Shouldn’t that entitle us to work like government employees half of the time? Can you imagine what an IT company would be like - if it operated like a bad public sector company?

Scrap email.

Have a form for everything - “Bug log karna hai? Yeh form bhariye. Kal tak kaam ho jayega.”. There are several advantages to having a form for everything. On days you are really bored, you can make all the forms disappear and say, “Aaj form khatam ho gaye madam. Kal aayega.”.

Better still, when you are REALLY REALLY bored - first make the forms disappear. Next, make bad photocopied versions of the forms and sell them outside the office for a profit.

Pay bribes.

To get work done. After all - kickbacks would be our only “real income”, right? Here is how a manager would get the latest performance data from an employee… or even hand us our next paycheque.

Send people in circles.

Manager wants an update on some bug? Ask her to go to Raviji’s office. Raviji would redirect the manager to Amirji. Amirji would redirect to Kirtiji. Kirtiji would redirect to Poonamji… Oh wait… Poonamji is on a vacation. Try again after 2 days.

Spend the entire revenue of the company.

That’s how governments operate. Unspent budget is a bad thing - you are doing a bad job of utilizing your resources properly, if any budget is left unspent. Go buy that pool table you always wanted for your team. Or better still - hire one “chela” to say “Jee Sahabji” to everything you say.
 
Make silly excuses.

“Code sync hone ko time lagega sir.”
“Abhi toh code compile ho raha hai sir. Do din mein aapko results mil jaenge… Mein bata raha hoon na sir.”
“Shaam ho gayi hai sir… Itne andhere mein forms kaise bharenge?”

Buffer overflows - they are vulnerabilities sublime,
They’re easily overlooked most the time,
But when you go through sloppy code with a fine tooth comb,
With such ease you will uncover many a ticking time bomb,
And then it will dawn upon you… why “duffer” and “buffer” rhyme.

Recently, I was given a “Bravo Award” at work. Turns out that I have to pay tax on the award. What’s more interesting is that the award is based on peer recommendation - someone recommended me for the award.

The government went on a taxation spree,
It has decided that my award wasn’t tax-free.
But this excessive taxation, I do not fret,
To my repertoire, I shall add a new threat,
“Recommend you, for an award I will”, If you dare to cross swords with me.

A friend of a friend was born on the same date as her brother - but only three years earlier… Just had to write this.

With twins our little planet is replete,
I bet you can probably meet one on every other street!
But siblings having the same birth dates…
…with a three year intervening gap that separates,
I must say, what an amazing family planning feat!

Catching a 6:15 AM flight sounds depressing - even more so when you are leaving home after having so much fun with family and friends. But I found a silver lining - literally - at the horizon. A simple camera phone cannot do justice to the myriad of colours the human eye can perceive.

The first rays.

From this high up, you can see the clouds casting a shadow – just like a bunch of buildings would, when observed from a high enough location (perhaps from an observation deck of a very tall building).

Diamond Ring

This was the last warm feeling I had. When I deplaned at Delhi – I swear I felt like running back into the airplane. Compared to the comfortable, conditioned environment within the aircraft – the cold winds blowing outside felt like somebody had just splashed me with a bucket full of chilled water. Delhi was colder than the devil’s heart.