Rohit’s Ramblings

Archive for October, 2009

Her voice soothes me like a wound is soothed by balm,
In the most turbulent of times, she helped me keep my calm,
This I have never told her, never expressed.
Finally through the medium of limericks, with a freedom I’ve been blessed,
I should say, that lady is no other - she is my mom.

As a child her arms were a sea of tranquility,
Always safe - to be hurt was a remote possibility,
To return to my childhood, I feel I require
So that in her arms once again I could retire,
Her love was always an unconditionality.

As I grew up, life didn’t remain the same,
As I set out to reach the pinnacles I can attain,
Your guidance will always be my companion,
As always, it will always serve to enlighten,
My ultimate beacon of hope you will always remain.

A friend told me that his female friend from college was getting engaged to a guy from the same college. Only - In college they fooled everyone by portraying their real relationship as a real bro-sis thing, complete with the tying of a rakhi. This way they could hang out and stuff without any comments being passed. Smart. My friend also mentioned that the guy was somewhat shorter than the girl.

I was thinking -

In love they were both very much smitten,
They each knew they’d found the one,
But judging by the difference in their height,
They could’ve done better - their imagination was finite,
They could’ve even told people they were mother and son!

I once went to a club. Strobe lights and stuff. Music was so loud you couldn’t even hear a person standing next to you speak. So…

I walked up to a girl and asked “How about a dance?”
Sadly she told me that I didn’t stand a chance,
So, to leave that uncomfortable situation with grace,
And in a desperate attempt to save my face,
I shouted in her ear - “I SAID, YOU LOOK REALLY FAT IN THOSE PANTS”.

A bookworm loves his books more than his girlfriend. The girlfriend, tired from the lack of attention complains to him -

You stick to your books like glue,
I feel there is nothing else I see you do,
For your attention I long and crave,
And that attention to me you never gave,
Sometimes I really wish I were a book too.

To which he replies -

To this conclusion how you reached, I have no clue,
People who love like me would be very few,
But your idea I like - its simply too good,
To transform into a book, consider you should,
Then at the library, frequently I’d change you for something new.

Two village simpletons - a father and his son, went to a mall for the first time in their lives.

Two village bums for the first time went to see a mall,
There they saw a shiny section within the wall,
Its nothing but an everyday elevator’s door,
But they’d never seen anything like it before,
Thrilled, they thought they’ve seen it all.

Just then a woman with gray hair - must’ve been really old,
Sitting in her wheelchair, into the elevator rolled,
The elevator then went right upto the top floor,
Then it returned back again and opened its door,
Now a babe walked out instead - looking ravishing & bold!

As she walked out the two men took a breather,
The lass was a hell lot prettier than any other,
The father’s excitement couldn’t be concealed,
And in this excitement he let out a squeal,
“What you waiting for boy? Go get your mother!”

A pious Jewish man goes to the Wailing Wall frequently and selflessly prays for world peace - in a hope that one day, we will overcome our differences and live in harmony. But - here’s what he has to say -

I prayed for world peace and harmony between all,
But the sight on any news channel is enough to appall,
But even after all the long years of praying,
My hope for world peace just keeps on fraying,
Heck, I always feel like I am just talking to a wall.

---

For those who don’t know, the Western Wall or Wailing Wall is an important Jewish religious site. To know more, click here.

A man calls up a doctor to tell him about his wife’s appendicitis problem. The doctor is surprised -

“That’s impossible!” the doctor roared,
Having two of them is unheard,
Your wife’s appendicitis I removed two years ago,
It’s impossible for a new one in its place to grow,
Even the thought of a second appendicitis sounds absurd!

The man asks the doctor to calm down.

Yes I know that the thought is absurd!
But you think like this I could have erred?
To call you, you must think I am a real fool,
Lemme tell you, I’ve learnt atleast this much biology in school.
If not second appendicitis, surely of a second wife you’ve heard.

A woman comes home to her husband and bursts into tears. She complains about how a chemist had misbehaved with her. When the husband learns of the profanities used by the chemist, he angrily heads towards his shop to have a word with him.

The chemist, in his defense says -

I can see that how your wife might have been confused,
When she thought that I was being rude or that I abused,
I was in a foul mood - this morning my wife and I had fought,
So when at my shop, some information your wife had sought,
As requested, I simply explained how the rectal thermometer is used.

A sign requesting people to reduce wastage was put up in an army mess. It read -

“All the enemies, a satisfied stomach can beat.
Food is the difference between victory and defeat.”
But by a vandalistic graffiti the message was masked,
Written below, a simple question it asked,
“But how does one get the enemy to the mess to eat?”

Two guys collide while searching for their respective wives at a supermarket. Neither of them seems to be having any luck - so they decide to help each other. The first guy asks the second to describe his wife.

She’s about five feet ten in size,
And she’s got really deep blue eyes,
Fair skin, raven haired - curly hairstyle,
She’s always donning a perfect smile,
Has a shapely body and perfect thighs.

…

“Wow” the first fellow did opine,
“To me, that sounds mighty fine.
Since what you said sounds like a wonder,
I feel, over my search I need to ponder,
Let’s search for your wife instead of mine.”